


Jafar Celebrates St. Patrick's Day

by SunOfSnowQueens



Series: The Jafar Trilogy [1]
Category: Aladdin (1992), Askewniverse, Wawa - Fandom
Genre: Bodily Fluids, Drinking, Drinking & Talking, Farting, Gen, NJ - Freeform, New Jersey, Sizzli, Vomiting, WaWa, guinness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-18
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28143264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunOfSnowQueens/pseuds/SunOfSnowQueens
Summary: For reference: This takes place somewhere between “Aladdin and the Prince of Thieves” and “Aladdin 2019”.
Relationships: Iago & Jafar (Disney), Iago/Jafar (Disney)
Series: The Jafar Trilogy [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2061714





	Jafar Celebrates St. Patrick's Day

**Author's Note:**

> For reference: This takes place somewhere between “Aladdin and the Prince of Thieves” and “Aladdin 2019”.

It was a brisk but comfortable day in New Jersey. The sun was shining, and the skies were clear. The perfect weather for a Quikchek run or a gas refill at your local Wawa. At one such Wawa, Jafar, the Royal Vizier of Agrabah, was slamming back beers in the parking lot, alongside his college roommate Reek and his incredibly handsome metrosexual parrot, Iago. Iago squaked as he giddily chewed on his freshly unwrapped Bagel with Pepperoni and cheese. “Have ya tried the Sizzli, Jafar? Ya got to try the Sizzli!” Jafar stroked Iagos beak, “I find the Pretzel Bun melt to be most divine.” Reek pulled out a paper bag from his skeleton hoodie pocket. “I got us all something, J-Man. Bird says you’ve never had a proper St. Patricks day,” he said, as he pulled out 3 cans of ice cold Guinness. Jafar was a little fucked up already, given that he had spent the past 2 hours in the Wawa parking lot, but he relished spending time with Reek. Reek wiped his nose with the back of his hand, and then popped the tab on the can. He handed it to Jafar, who watched with awe as a light coat of foam oozed from the opening. Iago perked up, “In the spirit of the holiday, I’d appreciate some inclusion.” Reek popped another, “Not a problem, Iago.” Jafar held back his turban feather as he leaned back, shotgunning his beer to Reek’s delight. Jafar wiped the foam off his silky mustache, and looked at Iago. Iago nodded back at Jafar.

30 minutes llater, Jafar was on his 4th Guinness. He let out an exhale as he finished, and crushed the can against his forehead. “Oh man, Jafar,” Reek said, “you really love these Guinnys!” Jafar smiled with a glazed look in his eye. “Yes, the Potato farmers may be a rotten breed. But they do make exquisite elixirs…” Reek pushed his greasy long hair back and fidgeted with his gages. “So how have you never done St. Patrick’s Day, Jafar?” Jafar shrivelled a little, but responded calmly. “It’s true. While I am a man of elegance and culture, there’s much to learn in the beliefs of others. I thank you, Reek for letting me be a part of this.” Iago ran his feathered hands along his curvaceous and tempting bird body “This is the most confident I’ve felt in years, Jafar.” Jafar giggled as he let out a small greasy beer burp. “Indeed Iago. I feel reinvigorated! I could smite my enemies with ease! Observe!”

Jafar cautiously stood up from the stoop. He walked into the gas station area, Reek dragging a cigarette and watching from a distance. Jafar walked over to a parked car and slammed his hands down onto the hood. The driver jumped, egg sandwich bagel almost falling out of his hand. Jafar burped a little as he said, “You WILL give me the bagel, boy.” The driver responded “fuck off asshole”. Jafar shuddered “Asshole you say? Well I’ll show you how big an asshole I can be!” He ran to the side fo the car and squatted down, hooking his hands under the car. With a loud grunt, he attempted to flip the car over with no avail. Iago shouted across from the parking lot stoop, “pull out, Jafar! You’re going in too hot!” Jafar relaxed and let out a small fart. Despite its size, it was quite potent, as the noxious fumes were built up under his thick multilayered robes. The scent was the equivalent of a weeks worth of farting. The driver pulled out quickly as Jafar giggled. Reek put away his cracked screen android phone as Jafar came back. “Aw, you smell like ass, bro.” Jafar would’ve had a comeback at this point, but something was wrong. His stomach began to grumble. He winced in pain for a second, he could feel something curdling in his belly. It was all adding up. The sizzlis, the donuts, the hoagies. Jafar began sweating as his throat started drying up. The beers, all that Guinness. Jafar bent over, hands on his knees as he began to heave. Iago was looking worse for wear as well. Iago began to cough, as Jafar expelled a hard torrent of yellowish green puke, emptying the contents of his stomach on the pavement. He gasped for breah, “IAGO! HELP ME!” Iago stumbled forward, but fell down and began to puke as well, chunks sliding out of his smooth cream colored beak like a fountain of filth. He desperately eyed Jafar, “HOLY FUCK, JAFAR! THIS IS A DISASTER!” Jafar heaved out another warm stream of bile and guinness, “MY FLAPS, IAGO! HOLD BACK MY FLAPS!” Iago managed to grab onto Jafar’s shoulder “I CAN NEVER TELL, IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE YOUR HAIR OR YOUR HAT?” Iago lost his grip and landed flat in a pool of his own barf. Reek laughed, “heheh its definitely St. Patty’s day now.”

Jafar laid on the ground, on all fours. He panted heavily. His stomach was empty now. Iago tried to reach over to a nearby scratch-off lying inches from his feathered hands, but he could only let out a feeble wave before splatting his wing back down into the fluid pool. Jafar and Iago looked at each other, gazing into each other's eyes. They both knew that this trial had come to an end. Little did they know, this was only the beginning of their adventure.


End file.
